It seems like this hell I live in called "life" just never ends.
I am so sick of thinking about seeing red and ending it all. It is a daily struggle to change these thoughts. The meds are kinda working. I am getting sick to my stomach, headaches, irritable, and my moods swing fast one way or another.
I am sooo sick of my heart feeling broken like this.
I am so sick of the constant nightmares of someone trying to kill me, suffocating, or just fear or something dark.
I don't know how much longer I can handle these things. They are fucking me up!
One person YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I hate how you act so disgustingly distant! I hate how you have a piece of my heart. I need to end this madness of being upset and crying over you. Its disgusting, you don't cry over me or care. Never using YOUR TIME WISELY LIKE YOU HAD PROMISED LONG TIME AGO.... empty promises. :(
Shereen, I used to pray hard all day, every day, to die. I didn't have the physical challenges you do, but every moment of life was torment. I understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI, too, wanted to know why I could feel so much emotional pain, but not feel love for the people closest to me in my life. Then I found out it's a very common "side effect" of brain injury.
I'm so sorry you don't have more people to support you. :(
Oh wow it's a horrible prayer to do. Sorry you had to go through that but glad I'm not the only one. I think people are starting to get it, but I honestly don't care if people are supportive or not at this point. Thanks for reading Emily, it means so much coming from you. So glad God blessed us meeting.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt our meeting was "arranged". After waiting all these years to find out why I'm still alive, what my purpose is, I'm guessing perhaps I'm supposed to share my experience and help if I can. I don't feel like I can really help anyone, but I'm glad if I've comforted you even a little.
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