Awareness about PTSD-

This pretty much explains why I do what I do. Me to a T. This information I'm getting from http://helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm 

After a traumatic experience, it’s normal to feel frightened, sad, anxious, and disconnected. Usually, with time, the upset fades and you start to enjoy life again. But sometimes the trauma is so overwhelming that you find that you can’t move on. You feel stuck with a constant sense of danger and painful memories that don’t fade.

If you went through a traumatic experience and are having trouble getting back to your regular life, reconnecting to others, and feeling safe again, you may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). With PTSD, it can seem like you’ll never get over what happened or feel normal again.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop following a traumatic event that threatens your safety or makes you feel helpless.

Most people associate PTSD with battle-scarred soldiers—and military combat is the most common cause in men—but any overwhelming life experience can trigger PTSD, especially if the event feels unpredictable and uncontrollable.

PTSD can affect those who personally experience the catastrophe, those who witness it, and those who pick up the pieces afterwards.

PTSD develops differently from person to person. While the symptoms of PTSD most commonly develop in the hours or days following the traumatic event, it can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years before they appear.

I feel that this is what has happened, not to blame everything, but seems to be a mixture of things.  Little situations and things.  After time I have become Emotionally Reactive.   

I would say most of my nightmares to this day is associated with this.  I have realized I have been to counseling for almost 3 years and nothing has changed.  Its because I keep re-living the trauma and my issues are reoccurring every time something "tramatic" happens.

UPDATE:  I have now had a med change.  The wellbutrin was messing with my head so much.  It was making me think horrible thoughts of red, blood, and slitting my wrists.  It gave me horrible headaches, hot flashes, made me angry, irritable and I felt like it helped a little bit, but something else was wrong.  I always was in panic mode.